day57 - it's no good
dear luci,
tonight i am feeling a little lonely1 and quite deflated. I've been trying to summon the energy to write for the last two hours but all I've been able to do is procrastinate.
I think I expected full time work would be a full-on practical learning experience, the exact kind of thing I need to pad the gaps in my basic knowledge. but all I've really done is just write about Microsoft Office and try to figure out what a million different bits of proprietary software are used for in the business.
this is such a worthless line of discussion anyway, I know all the ways I'm technically learning things, and I don't want to complain lest I come across ungrateful.
I honestly don't have the energy to discuss anything, I don't feel good and I don't have any real reason for that. I'm tired and largely over wasting my time, which I've done every night for the past two weeks (besides the time I've spent with others). I feel largely inadequate. I'd go to bed early if I didn't feel like I'd miss out on the small scraps of human interaction. So instead I'll wake up tired again tomorrow, as I probably would regardless of when I went to bed, and do it all over again.
it's no good.
sweet dreams Luci
Perhaps a better word would be detached. Like I'm experiencing the outside world through a thick wall of fog. Kinda pretentious but it does the job.↩