day68 - fastest available route
dear luci,
I have not lived in this city all that long in the grand scheme of things. just five years. i drive almost everywhere I go, mostly out of the infrequency and inconvenience of public transport, but also, let's be fucking real: because I have terrible time management skills.
a consequence of my prolific driving is that somewhere inside my mind is a map with different coloured lines drawn from point to point. the lines cross and diverge, they become even less defined, with each new route tangling an already convoluted spiderweb.
a lot of people enter and exit your life in five years. you spend months where they're all you see, your time is measured by intervals between visits— and then suddenly (or gradually), you begin seeing them less. they move houses and you never visit the new place. but the lines remain on the map.
suddenly something so mundane and mechanical becomes laden with emotional weight. you could be going somewhere completely different, but you'll still notice your mind wander to them as you make a turn onto a road that would eventually bring you to their door.
your brain will recall some of the thoughts you used to have as you drove to and from your destination. you'll remember moods, feelings, songs.
sometimes you grow sad. other times you conjure memories of pick-ups and drop-offs. but often there's this unmistakable longing for a world in which you could drive to their house, knock on their door, and pick up where you left off.
I've never been a thoroughly spiritual person, I don't really believe in ephemeral energies engraved into parcels of land like music on wax cylinders.
for me, spirituality comes from within. holy sites are not determined by God but by what details and memories we deem sacred.
a church does not become any less of a church when it is not in use. perhaps it's not the case that all your best memories of these places have been overwritten. some of them, you'll never visit again. that's just something you need to live with. others though, may be just laying in wait. nothing ever truly ends.
there is a peace in that idea. so I will keep travelling these roads in hopes that one day I will complete them in full. walk my way to the front doorstep, and be greeted like nothing has changed.
sweet dreams, luci <3